You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
