When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
