Sponge bath it is.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
