i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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