bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
