Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
