I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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