my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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