I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
