JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
