I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
