be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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