I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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