wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
