Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
