This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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