Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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