How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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