you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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