I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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