Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
