I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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