i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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