just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
