he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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