She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
