Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
