this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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