i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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