dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
