What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
