At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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