she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
