I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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