No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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