I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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