but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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