Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
