I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
