she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
