3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
