So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
