Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
