I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Every concussion has its silver lining
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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