I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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