You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
