i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
