i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
