margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
