This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
