Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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