he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
