: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
